Coffee Quotes – Season One
1.01 The Pilot Episode – Opening Dialogue
Lorelai walks past a sign that says “Stars Hollow Founded 1779” and crosses the street. She goes into Luke’s coffee shop. She takes off her coat and walks up to the counter, coffee cup in hand.
Lorelai: Please, Luke. Please, please, please.
Luke: How many cups have you had this morning?
Lorelai: Five, but yours is better.
Luke: You have a problem.
Lorelai: Yes, I do.
Luke pours her coffee.
Lorelai: Angel. You’ve got wings, baby.
A man watches Lorelai drink her coffee, then walks over to her.
Joey: You make that look really good.
Lorelai: Oh it is really good. It’s the best coffee in town.
Joey: Oh yeah? I’ll have to get a cup.
Lorelai: Good plan.
Lorelai: Sorry and I will get you some coffee.
Lorelai takes a coffee cup up to Luke, who gives her a stare…
Lorelai: What? It’s not for me. It’s for Rory, I swear.
Luke: You’re shameless.
Luke: So what’ll you have?
Lorelai: Coffee, in a vat.
Rory: I’ll have coffee also. And chili fries.
Luke: That’s quite a refined palate you got there.
Luke: Coffee, fries. I can’t stand it. This is so unhealthy. Rory, put down that coffee. You do not want to grow up to be like your mom.
Rory: Sorry, too late.
1.02 The Lorelais’ First Day at Chilton
Lorelai: I already had the longest day of my life and it’s only ten o’clock.
Luke: There’s no coffee.
Lorelai: That’s not funny.
Luke: I can give you herbal tea.
Lorelai: This is not an herbal tea morning. This is a coffee morning.
Luke: Every morning for you is a coffee morning.
Lorelai: This is a jumbo coffee morning. I need coffee in an I.V.
Luke: I can give you tea and a balance bar.
Lorelai: Please, please, please tell me you’re kidding.
Luke: I’m kidding.
Lorelai: You’re sick.
Lorelai: You’re a fiend!
Luke: For here or to go.
Lorelai: To go please.
Luke: You want to know what this stuff does to your nervous system?
Lorelai: Do you have a chart? Because I love charts.
Lorelai: Still hugging, still hugging. So, I brought us some coffee.
Rory: Why, I’m shocked.
Lorelai: Triple caps, easy foam. If that doesn’t work, we’ll stick our fingers in a light socket.
1.04 The Deer Hunters
Lorelai: Sookie, I need coffee to go.
Sookie: There’s fresh over there.
Lorelai: Ooh, good. She glances at the pot
Lorelai: Fresh in my first lifetime as Joan of Arc.
Sookie: Oh sorry. I thought I made fresh. Here.
Lorelai: Bless you. I’m so exhausted and I have to drive into Hartford tonight to go to a parent/teacher meeting.
Lorelai: Mmm. Jesus, Mary, Joseph and a camel. This is really bad coffee.
Max: You know, I think this would be a good time for a break. There’s coffee in the back.
Lorelai: So, it was nice meeting you.
Max: You too.
Lorelai: Um, keep up the good work.
Max: I will.
Lorelai: Don’t ever make coffee ever again.
1.05 Cinnamon’s Wake
Max: Okay, Okay, um, how about coffee? Do you like coffee?
Lorelai: Only with my oxygen.
Max: Can we drink some together? A sort of a pre-date, very casual, no strings, no obligations. We’ll just see if it’s even worth going down the road of including food in the deal. Just coffee? Decaf? Oh, there’s nothing safer than decaf.
Lorelai: I’m gonna be in town tomorrow because I’m taking a class at Hartford State and there’s a coffee shop across the street that I sometimes, almost all the time go to around 4:00, usually exactly 4:12. I could not stop a person from entering said establishment around that time, nor would I avoid them if I knew them, if they did.
Lorelai: Absolutely. What are you drinking?
Lorelai: Plain coffee?
Max: Well I wanted some cream but that prompted a very elaborate foam conversation, and the look of disapproval I got when I said I didn’t want foam just cream rivaled the one I got from my dad when I told him I wanted to be a teacher.
Lorelai: I met this amazing guy.
Lorelai: Yeah, there’s goody stuff about it and there’s baddy stuff too. He’s a teacher at Chilton, Max. You met him at the bake sale.
Sookie: Oh – he looked good.
Lorelai: Yeah, right. He’s so sexy and smart and funny and he likes coffee.
Sookie: God, he sounds perfect for you.
1.06 Rory’s Birthday Parties
Emily: How long have you been seeing him?
Lorelai: Luke? I’m not seeing Luke. He’s just a friend.
Lorelai: Mom, I swear. Luke keeps me in coffee, nothing else.
1.07 Kiss and Tell
Lorelai: Excuse me, can we get some coffee please?
Rory: And a muffin?
Taylor: This is the Autumn festival. Your show is right across the street from the Horn of Plenty! You’re right smack dab in the middle of everything. You have to decorate.
Luke: I don’t have to do anything but serve food.
Lorelai: And coffee!
Rory: And muffins!
Luke: Taylor, I’m tired of having this conversation with you every year.
Lorelai: I need coffee.
Rory: Mom, the video store closes in ten minutes.
Lorelai: Well, you run to the video store and I’ll go get coffee.
1.08 Love and War and Snow
Rory:You, me, donuts, coffee, standing out in a snowstorm.
Lorelai: At midnight?
Rory: At midnight.
Lorelai: You are my favorite daughter!
Harry: What is this?
Luke: I brought you coffee.
Harry: No, thank you.
Luke: Harry, you’re freezing. Take the damn coffee.
Harry: When our forefathers stood out here many moons ago, they didn’t have any coffee.
Luke: How do you know? Do you have written documentation about what sort of beverages they did or did not have on that long historic night of standing?
Harry: This is still a joke to you, young man. I don’t choose to be a joke. We don’t need your coffee.
Luke: Harry, please, take the coffee. My father would’ve taken the coffee.
Harry: Well, all right then, thank you.
Lorelai: I mean, I’ve dated, and you know, dated, but I’ve just never dated, here in our house.
Max: What if I promised you that if you let me in, all I’m expecting is a cup of coffee. That’s it. Nothing weird or funny. Unless of course you’re into weird and funny.
Lorelai: How strong do you like your coffee, because I’ve built up such a tolerance to it I usually make it too intense for most people.
Max: Yeah, yeah, I’ve lived through the fiesta burger, don’t hold back now.
Max: Can I help?
Lorelai: Um, yeah, you can fill up the pot.
Max: Oh, I’m very good at that. Six cups sounds good?
Lorelai: Fine, what are you gonna have?
1.10 Forgiveness and Stuff
Rory: I’d like to do something.
Lorelai: Like rollerblade?
Rory: Like get some coffee or make phone calls or do something that isn’t standing here waiting.
Lorelai: Okay, go it. Well as partial as I am to the phone, I’m voting for the ‘get coffee’ idea.
Rory: The coffee machine was jammed, so I got us some chicken soup and some Pez.
Lorelai: I’m not avoiding anything. I’m going to find coffee.
Luke: The machine’s jammed.
Lorelai: Well there are other machines.
Rory: No luck?
Lorelai: I think I’m wearing it down.
Rory: You’re pathetic.
Emily: There you are, where have you been?
Lorelai: Coffee hunt. So what’s going on?
1.12 Double Date
Lorelai: I’m gonna get some more coffee if you need me.
Michel: I’ll try and manage while you’re gone, though God knows it won’t be easy.
Lorelai: Grab a seat, I’ll get some menus.
Lorelai: Hey, four menus, a coffee and an anvil, please.
Luke: What’s the anvil for?
Lorelai: For Rune?
Luke: What’s a Rune?
Lorelai: Please not that question again.
Lorelai: Exactly. That is exactly what I bring to a relationship. Explain that to him will you? Mmm. Luke, that is an exceptionally good batch of coffee.
Luke: I added a little nutmeg.
Lorelai: That’s very Richard Simmons of you.
1.13 Concert Interruptus
Luke: If you want coffee, you’ll have to wait.
Rory: Hey Luke, someone put a sign for the rummage sale up in your window over there.
Luke: You can have decaf right now if you’re in a hurry.
Rory: You should call the cops about this. I mean we all know how you feel about public displays of town affection.
Luke: Your mom asked me to put it there, okay?
Rory: And you said yes?
Luke: She’s not real good with ‘no’.
Rory: No she’s not.
Luke: For every second you laugh at me, that’s one second longer you’re waiting for coffee.
Rory: Sorry, no laughing.
Lorelai: The money goes to charity. I look cute. Case closed. Oh finally, the coffee cavalry arrives.
Sookie: Well Luke never talks about it. No one else likes to talk about it because he could probably kill you with that coffee pot if he wanted to.
Lorelai: Well here, so you don’t forget.
Luke: Thanks, can I pay you for it?
Lorelai: In coffee, absolutely.
1.14 That Damn Donna Reed
Rory: Hi, Babette!
Lorelai: Hey! Do you want some coffee?
Babette: Oh, no thanks. I just came over to ask a great big favor.
Lorelai: Ask away. She pours Babette some coffee.
Babette: Well, see Morey just got a call to play a gig at the Village Vanguard tonight, so we gotta go to New York.
Lorelai: Oh wow. Cream?
Babette: And sugar, thanks.
1.15 Christopher Returns
Christopher: Oh. You want some coffee?
Christopher: Well I know you well enough to know that when you say no to coffee, especially in the morning, all is not right in Whoville.
Lorelai: Very astute.
Lorelai: We were too young, we wouldn’t have made it, you know that.
Christopher: Well we’re not too young now.
Lorelai: Okay. Now I need some coffee.
1.16 Star-Crossed Lovers and Other Strangers
Michel: And while normally I would look forward to a good verbal sparring match, today I say no. My heart is light, the world is fine and I have a date for Saturday night. Your turn.
Lorelai: What I need now is lots and lots of coffee.
Lorelai: I was almost crushed by a papier mache star. How’s your day?
Luke: Well, it’s looking pretty good now.
Lorelai: Coffee please, no shot of cynicism.
1.17 The Breakup, Part 2
Lorelai: Rory, honey, love of my life, you realize you’ve completely cut us off from Luke’s, where the happy coffee is.
Rory: I’m sorry.
Lorelai: No, it’s okay, it’s okay. Okay, we’ll just um, well, we’ll figure something out.
Lorelai: No, this is good. This is like ‘G.I. Jane’ but we get to keep our hair.
Rory: I just couldn’t.
Lorelai: Oh honey, say no more. Think of this as an adventure. Two girls battling the elements, desperate for survival.
Rory: Or coffee.
Lorelai: Same thing.
1.18 The Third Lorelai
Madeline: Wow, did you bring coffee?
Rory: And doughnuts in the shape of clowns.
Madeline: Hey, they’ve got hats.
Rory: Well, a clown just isn’t a clown without a hat. Here is your decaf with soy milk.
Louise: Ding, ding, ding. No debating until I’ve had coffee.
Madeline: And a clown.
1.19 Emily in Wonderland
Lorelai: Okay. So are you gonna be pouring that coffee anytime or…
Lorelai: I’m glad it’s not weird though because… that would be bad.
Luke: Oh, I’ll get a rag.
Lorelai: Oh, great! Hmm, I’ve never been in Luke’s apartment before.
Rachel: Really? How long have you two known each other?
Lorelai: Oh god, years. But our relationship is strictly “Please can I have coffee?”, “No”, “Come on!”, “No, it makes you short.” Blah blah blah.
Luke: Want some coffee?
Lorelai: Oh, yeah coffee would be great.
Luke: Watch the lid there.
Lorelai: Yeah. Wow, it really looks, um, different from back here, ya know? All this is yours, as far as the eye can see.
Luke: Yes, it’s quite an empire I’ve built for myself. I’m thinking of conquering the flower shop next door and expanding the freezer.
Luke: Two coffees.
Rachel: Any pie to go with that?
Lorelai: Oh, pie!
Rory: We just had cake at Grandma’s.
Lorelai: Yeah, but that was crabby cake, let’s have happy pie.
Rory: Have whatever you want as long as there’s coffee.
Luke: I’ll put on a fresh pot.
1.20 P.S. I Lo…
Rory: Just have a lot on my mind.
Lorelai: Anything I can do?
Rory: Flag down the coffee.
Lorelai: Arm going up now. Honey, you gotta wake up!
1.21 Love, Daisies, and Troubadours
Michel: Look, I’ve had my peace with the fact that everyone who calls here is a notch above brain dead, and that the pennies I am thrown each week are in exchange for me dealing with these people in a nonviolent manner. And usually that is fine, but today, sorry lady, I have ennui.
Lorelai: So, you’re sleepy?
Michel: It’s a metaphysical angst.
Lorelai: So, you wanna go beddy bye?
Michel: You make light, it increases my ennui.
Lorelai: Okay, that’s it. Come on you need coffee.
Lorelai: I need coffee. Extra strong. Double cafe. Triple cafe. No, forget the cafe. Throw in the whole cow and serve it to this man right here! What’s wrong with you?
Luke: Absolutely. We see each other most everyday.
Max: Well sure, you’ve got the coffee.
Luke: And she needs the coffee. So I’ll see you tomorrow.
Luke: Have some coffee while you wait.
Lorelai: No, I couldn’t take coffee, big hole, through the roof, very bad.
Luke: You’re saying no to coffee. This is big. Can’t tell me what it is?